Top Five - Movie Poster

Top Five

2.0 Anne Murphy

A comedian tries to make it as a serious actor when his reality-TV star fiancée talks him into broadcasting their wedding on her TV show.

The phrases 'intermittently funny', 'crass' and 'predictable' are all that's needed to sum up "Top Five" and then words fail. If only words had failed the writer, director, and lead actor.


Insurgent - Movie Poster

Insurgent

2.0 Stefan Sgarioto

Following the events of Divergent, Tris continues her fight against the elite leaders of post-apocalyptic Chicago.

"Insurgent" struggles to deliver the same energy and emotion as its other young adult adapted counterparts; due in part to its convoluted premise, wooden characters and a lack of story progression. In the end, it all just seems rather pointless and predictable. Whilst the film is polished nicely with a hip visual style and stunning action sequences, it's all a ruse to hide what is a rather bland interior. If you're craving another dystopian teenage rebellion, stay hungry a little longer.


Seventh Son - Movie Poster

Seventh Son

2.0 Andrew O'Dea

Young Thomas is apprenticed to the local Spook to learn to fight evil spirits. His first great challenge comes when the powerful Mother Malkin escapes her confinement while the Spook is away.

"Seventh Son" is an over-produced and under-conceived fantasy epic full of swordplay, sorcery and snores. Despite an impressive set design and visuals, the slick CGI isn't enough to compensate for a predictable narrative that fails to produce any semblance of originality or imagination, as the talents of a promising cast are wasted amongst a barrage of animated monsters, explosions and some downright perplexing accents. Son of a dud.


Fifty Shades of Grey - Movie Poster

Fifty Shades of Grey

2.0 Anthony Macali

Literature student Anastasia's life changes forever when she meets handsome billionaire Christian.

"Fifty Shades of Grey" is a story about the allure of wealth, and bizarre sexual contractual agreements that arise from 'dating' a wealthy man. An introduction to these politics from our two leads is assuredly the most interesting part of the film. Unfortunately the rest is a bitter disappointment, dominated by a tiring and flirtatious game of to-and-fro, a precursor to the passionless and sanitised sex that follows. Attractive leads, inadvertent laughs and very little to love. Don't submit to boredom.


Taken 3 - Movie Poster

Taken 3

2.0 Andrew O'Dea

Ex-government operative Bryan Mills is accused of a ruthless murder he never committed.

Action junkies will find "Taken 3" enjoyable in a cheesy sort of way, while the rest of its audience must be prepared to switch their brains off. Bordering on tedious, this film plays out like a family melodrama interspersed with car chases and fight scenes. Thankfully there's some semblance of a cohesive plot, despite holes in it gaping enough to drive an aircraft through, before flipping it end-on-end and exploding in a fiery spectacle. Let's hope the film lives up to its tagline and "ends here". Taken the piss...


Into the Woods - Movie Poster

Into the Woods

2.0 Anne Murphy

A witch conspires to teach important lessons to various characters of popular children's stories including Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella, Jack and the Beanstalk and Rapunzel.

Though the musical score is enchanting and performances from the cast magical, "Into the Woods" doesn't deliver. We venture out with plenty of charm, colour, and costumes, but somewhere before halfway the story is lost. The glamour of the production doesn't compensate for an overly long and muddled plot. Sad but true that we can't see the woods for the trees in this confused offering. Get outta there.


Annabelle - Movie Poster

Annabelle

2.0 Anthony Macali

A couple begin to experience terrifying supernatural occurrences involving a vintage doll shortly after their home is invaded by satanic cultists.

Crash, bang, creek... "Annabelle" is a pointless prequel. Not afraid to cash-in on the success of its predecessor, this film possesses no plot. Instead it relies on well-worn tricks to frighten the audience; exaggerated music, disheveled apparitions and the countless slamming of doors. Once the audience starts laughing at the glaringly obvious setups and lingering doll shots, you know there's a problem. Put her back in the cupboard.


Grace of Monaco - Movie Poster

Grace of Monaco

2.0 Anne Murphy

The story Grace Kelly's crisis of marriage and identity, during a political dispute between Monaco and France, and a looming invasion of Monaco.

We're informed that this is a fictitious account of real events and it's impossible to discern what's real and what's not. It's an intriguing story that might have worked better as complete fiction. The princess is acted with beauty and grace, pardon the pun, but there are an annoying number of full screen close-ups of her countenance. If the camera is looking for warts shouldn't it focus on a frog or the prince? Airy-fairytale.


Bad Neighbours - Movie Poster

Bad Neighbours

2.0 Anthony Macali

A couple with a newborn face unexpected difficulties after they're forced to live next to a frat house.

"Bad Neighbours" lives up to the name. These new arrivals are loud, noisy and not very funny. It's apparent the dialogue is largely made of improvisation; a continuous set of fraternity gags and two conniving parents… neither side of the fence is a winner. All the best jokes have cultural references, and with the film won't stand the test of time. The excruciating characters and experience make the running time feel so long. Just bad.


Winter's Tale - Movie Poster

Winter's Tale

2.0 Anthony Macali

A burglar falls for an heiress as she dies in his arms. When he learns that he has the gift of reincarnation, he sets out to save her.

The greatest miracle in "Winter's Tale" is how the film was born in the first place. For the most part, it doesn't make any sense, and talk of true love and flying horses only complicates matters even more. The funny thing is (aside from the cringe-worthy dialogue) is that the audience may actually find themselves interested in seeing just what other foolishness they might come up with. It seems the only magic lies in making up rules along the way to suit the story. Destined to fail.


Labor Day - Movie Poster

Labor Day

2.0 Anne Murphy

Depressed single mom Adele and her son Henry offer a wounded, fearsome man a ride.

Five days can pass with a blink in screen time, but in this two hour effort the "Labor Day" weekend seems interminable, and staying engaged takes a bit of effort. This low-action romance might leave you snickering as the credits roll, such is the implausibility, and it's difficult to believe it's supposed to be taken seriously. Fortunately the actors keep the film together with fine performances, yet as hard as they work, their efforts are insufficient to weigh credibility to the story. Even if you're ready for the weekend, just keep Friday on your mind.


Austenland - Movie Poster

Austenland

2.0 Anne Murphy

Obsessed with Pride and Prejudice, a woman travels to a Jane Austen theme park in search for her perfect gentleman.

This is one of those times when the story ought to have remained a literary piece and not have been brought to the screen. The actors ham up romance scenes in a corny but corseted way. "Austenland" is daffy, cute and insubstantial; there is no trace of the wit and wisdom of the author on whose classic works this fantasy piece teeters. Not the end of the world, but it is a relief to reach this land's end.


The Butler - Movie Poster

The Butler

2.0 Stefan Bugryn

The story of Cecil Gaines, who for three decades served as the chief butler in the White House for eight consecutive US Presidents.

The main problem with "The Butler" is it tries to fit too much into tight parameters, and becomes a little trying as a result. In fact, there's so much going on, it actually feels like there's nothing going on at all. The story between the lead character and his son is engaging enough, but even so, there isn't much depth to the lead himself. He is actually a little boring, much like the entire movie. You'll be better served somewhere else.


I'm So Excited! - Movie Poster

I'm So Excited!

2.0 Anne Murphy

When it appears as though the end is in sight, the pilots, flight crew, and passengers of a plane heading to Mexico City look to forget the anguish.

The raunchy over the top camp moments deliver the most entertaining segments, but there's not much more to "I'm So Excited". The movie under delivers to an extent that makes the title seem paradoxical. The antics in the first class cabin left this viewer enthused. The flamboyance is fun but overall the production fails to soar. I'm so excited, not.


We're the Millers - Movie Poster

We're the Millers

2.0 Anne Murphy

A veteran pot dealer creates a fake family as part of his plan to move a huge shipment of weed into the U.S. from Mexico.

"We're the Millers" will divide audiences. Some will find it hilarious and entertaining, while others will squirm and remain straight faced. Try this test; do you usually like movies that are advertised in bus shelters? Answer "yes siree", then next stop is the cinema. Answer "meh, I don’t think so", then stay on board. This film doesn't ask much of viewers, yet doesn't deliver much either. Ironically it's about a big deal... but is no big deal.


Now You See Me - Movie Poster

Now You See Me

2.0 Anne Murphy

An FBI agent and an Interpol detective track a team of illusionists who pull off bank heists during their performances and reward their audiences with the money.

"Now You See Me" is a dazzlingly stylish but silly movie. This sort of cat and mouse thriller is generally not known for its plausible plot and, holey-moley, this one stretches credulity to breaking point. Thank goodness for the likeable cast who seem to revel in the hocus-pocus. The production lacks some magic, partly because every trick that's conjured is also revealed - a bit of a letdown. Leaves nothing up its sleeve.


The Hangover Part III - Movie Poster

The Hangover Part III

2.0 Andrew O'Dea

There's no wedding and no bachelor party... but when the Wolfpack hits the road, all bets are off.

"The Hangover Part III" is a victim of its own success. Still running on the fumes of the hugely popular first installment, this outing is nothing more than a shameless cash-grab, where the only real debauchery involved is its mere production. What sort of 'hangover' movie doesn't even have a hangover? While there are some rare and isolated moments of hilarity, what lies in-between is nothing but a desert bereft of comedy or thrills – where any laughter is contrived and strained at best. What happened in Vegas should've stayed in Vegas.


Hyde Park on Hudson - Movie Poster

Hyde Park on Hudson

2.0 Anne Murphy

The story of the affair between FDR and his cousin Daisy Suckley, centered around the weekend in 1939 when the King of England visited New York.

The most entertaining thread of "Hyde Park on The Hudson" comes from the pronunciation of 'hot dog' by the royal couple. Disarmingly straight-faced, they consider whether to eat one. It's a small highlight in what is an otherwise lacklustre production about a philatelist president and his dowdy cousin. "How I longed for him" is typical of the narration provided, courtesy of the mooning paramour to explain what isn't apparent on the screen. The Hudson reduced to a rivulet.


The Incredible Burt Wonderstone - Movie Poster

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

2.0 Anthony Macali

When a street magician's stunts begins to make their show look stale, superstar magicians Burt Wonderstone and Anton Marvelton look to salvage on their act.

The world of magic is an easy target, which makes it even more astonishing how much of a failure "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone" is. Not long after the first act, the tired comedic routine becomes repetitive and predictable. Viewers beware; don't be fooled by the illustrious cast, who might try hard, but are not funny, performing with little class and no laughs. As a member of the audience, you'll wish you could disappear.


Side Effects - Movie Poster

Side Effects

2.0 Anne Murphy

A woman's world unravels when a drug prescribed by her psychiatrist has unexpected side effects.

Much like its characters, "Side Effects" is never in touch with reality, not that realism, per se, is necessary for a good movie. The misrepresentation of mental health problems and treatment is a little unforgivable though; an already marginalised population may be further stigmatised, and that's not entertainment. There are lots of twists and turns that build intrigue but somehow the story manages to become more preposterous with each plot revelation, and the suspension of disbelief is necessary for viewing enjoyment. Pharma meets psychodrama.


Trouble with the Curve - Movie Poster

Trouble with the Curve

2.0 Anthony Macali

An ailing baseball scout in his twilight years takes his daughter along for one last recruiting trip.

Don't expect too much baseball in "Trouble with the Curve". Instead, this offering plays more like one of those 'father-daughter relationship' movies. The father, grumpy and old, is stuck in his ways, spending most of his time grumbling and moaning while watching the game he loves. His daughter, a lawyer, is busy, career driven and resentful. The performances are heartfelt, but sadly the film is a little dull, and ties all the loose ends ever so neatly. No curve balls here, this story is predictable as can be... better picks out there.


The Words - Movie Poster

The Words

2.0 Anne Murphy

A writer at the peak of his literary success discovers the steep price he must pay for stealing another man's work.

"The Words" is a story about a story within a story. With a great cast and the main characters playing authors it's ironic that what this film lacks is script development. Ambitious in scope, it lacks depth and ultimately contains insufficient intrigue to hold interest and it comes across as contrived. There's a melodramatic build to a final twist or surprise, and then the surprise is that there is no surprise; an anti-climax. Writers block?


The Watch - Movie Poster

The Watch

2.0 Andrew O'Dea

Four men who form a neighbourhood watch group as a way to get out of their day-to-day family routines find themselves defending the Earth from an alien invasion.

This is a high-concept, low-brow comedy that simply doesn't work. Sure, the initial shock-value might elicit some laughs, but a lazily written script will ensure that variations of the same vulgar gags will become tiresome and stale. Even some genuinely funny moments from particular leads aren't enough to resurrect a story which is nothing more than an after-thought to a barrage of unoriginal toilet humour. Don't watch "The Watch".


Total Recall - Movie Poster

Total Recall

2.0 Andrew O'Dea

A factory worker begins to suspect that he is a spy after having fake memories planted in his head.

"Total Recall" is an unimaginative, humourless insult to the original sci-fi classic it is based upon. A convoluted script that takes itself way too seriously is only compounded by a host of cheesy one-liners delivered by actors that have neither the charm nor charisma to pull them off. The CGI is excessive and poorly executed, although certain fanboys might be pleased by the 'extra titillation' on offer. The entire movie feels like one continuous chase scene, propelled by a storyline that is nothing more than lame political allegory. If only it was possible not to recall this disaster.


The Campaign - Movie Poster

The Campaign

2.0 Anthony Macali

The world of politician Cam Brady is shaken up with the introduction of a new candidate in district, who challenges his Congress position in an upcoming election.

"The Campaign" lacks any substance or agenda, except to make its supporters laugh. The plot is weak, and the topic is simply a platform for a handful of skits that happen to feature the same two politicians behaving badly for mild amusement. The stretches in-between the jokes are dull, and with nothing on the line, the debate warrants very little interest. Where's the hard-edged commentary or satire? This is a fight that won't sustain the full campaign.