My Bloody Valentine
Courtney Slevison
A decade after the notorious Valentine's Day massacre, Tom returns to his quaint hometown only to find that a string of similar murders has started up.
A remake of the 1981 movie of the same name, "My Bloody Valentine" suffers from a serious case of been there, done that. The film is basically a string of clichéd horror scenarios strung together by a weak and confusing plot. The characters are stiff and unlikeable, making it hard to care when they get hacked to pieces by the revenge-seeking serial killer. While aspiring to be a classic retro slasher flick, this movie struggles to be anything but a waste of time.
Antarctica
Anne Murphy
A group of good looking Israeli men hang out at the same library, bar, and beds.
The physical encounters that make up the greater part of this movie are frequent and torrid. There is more heavy breathing than dialogue, and the storyline feels underdeveloped as a result. Desire and sex are not confused with love, and it's all a little cold as a result. Odd that with such pumping action, emotions are so understated. There is no deceit, an absence of jealousy; the characters are as cool as they're hot. "Antarctica" - little wonder the ice caps are melting.
- Genre » Drama Romance
- Festival » Melbourne Queer Film Festival 2009
Inkheart
Andrew O'Dea
A young girl discovers her father has an amazing talent to bring characters out of their books and must try to stop a freed villain from destroying them all, with the help of her father and a storybook's hero.
"Inkheart" simply lacks the creativity to be anything but another tired endeavor at a 'book-to-big screen' adaptation. The result is an unconvincing and gimmicky film, full of clichés and characters severely devoid of any depth. It fails miserably in its attempted (and not so subtlety implied) homage to the great stories of history, as it tediously waddles from scene to scene with all the imagination of an inkblot. Stay home and read a book instead.
Summer Hours
Wendy Slevison
Two brothers and a sister witness the disappearance of their childhood memories when they must relinquish the family belongings to ensure their deceased mother's succession.
The star of "Summer Hours" is the exquisitely beautiful French countryside; the actors are largely wasted in this tepid examination of family dynamics upon the death of the stabilising matriarch. As the film languorously tells its tale, we never really get to know or care about the individual characters and their stories. In fact, it was actually difficult to ascertain any point to the movie at all, and by the end you find yourself longing for a change of season.
Fast & Furious
Luke Bartter
An FBI agent and a fugitive use street racing to infiltrate and take down a notorious crime lord.
For a film about racing fast cars, the pace is sluggish, bogged down with too many characters, and suffers from an over-abundance of pointless non-car chase related scenes. Not completely embracing the ridiculous premise like the previous films, "Fast & Furious" is humourless and juvenile. The lack of fun makes the painful leaps of logic even more obvious, leaving an uneven mess that's rarely explosive or exciting. It may be slick and loud, but unfortunately there's nothing under the hood. For the auto-obsessed only.
A Film with Me in It
Anne Murphy
A couple of out of work actors find themselves in a predicament, as accidental deaths pile up around them.
The situation the characters in this movie find themselves in is both dark and comical, but as a black comedy, it fails to deliver. The premise is clever but never witty, and the characters are droll and bumbling, comedic without being funny. There are all of the necessary ingredients to arouse laughter, but when it's served up the dish simply fails to amuse. Something about this film with me in the audience just doesn't seem right.
Tenderness
Anne Murphy
A juvenile offender with psychopathic tendencies is released from detention and hooks up with a twisted young girl, while a semi-retired cop dogs their tracks.
An unhinged murderer, a hackneyed lieutenant, and a troubled teenager from a damaged background play out this crime thriller. Reasonable watching descends into cliché as it becomes hard to pick which of the characters is the more stereotyped. Suspense is defused by moments corny enough to elicit laughter. Predictably, neither callousness nor tenderness delivers redemption, not for the players, and not for the film.
Observe and Report
Anthony Macali
Bi-polar mall security guard Ronnie Barnhardt is called into action to stop a flasher from turning shopper's paradise into his personal peep show.
"Observe and Report" is a terribly misjudged comedy. Ronnie, our 'hero', is a guy you don't like, don't care about, and don't find funny. It's a simple formula for failure, made worse by poor behaviour and excessive swearing, cheap tools for laughter. Some scenes are so misconceived, they border on surrealism. It's a disappointing effort from a cast who should know better. Protect yourself and don't watch this.
Gomorrah
Anthony Macali
An inside look at Italy's modern-day crime families. Based on a book by Roberto Saviano.
This film is a sprawling mess of characters and storylines. You see a mafia suit distribute money among the neighbourhood, two gung-ho youths wanting to be gangsters, and a guy who creates skirts in a workshop. It leaves us clueless as to how all these scenes fit together to create the big picture. Trying to make sense of it all is a slow and boring exercise. "Gomorrah" is a poorly executed and frustrating insight into the Italian underworld.
What Just Happened?
Wendy Slevison
Two weeks in the life of a fading Hollywood producer who's having a rough time trying to get his new picture made.
What a disappointment. "What Just Happened" is a film boasting an amazing pedigree, but has no apparent storyline or plot, no standout performances and no characters we care anything about; not even the big-name actors playing themselves can do anything to invigorate this lifeless, pointless exercise. Unfortunately, all you are likely to think as you leave the cinema after watching this movie is "what just happened?" And the answer is... not much.
Shame
Anne Murphy
A couple are considering sending back a difficult adopted child.
The plot outline suggests that this should be a tense and emotional film, as a pair grapples with their situation and subsequent decision. The expected intensity, given the subject of the souring reality of a long-held dream, is not realised. Along with a failure to deliver an emotional punch, there are other difficulties: the real time pace drags, use of symbolism is too overt, and an unlikely sub-plot that detracts from the main story complicates the film. All in all it is a shame.
- Genre » Drama
- Festival » Spanish Film Festival 2009
Night at the Museum 2
Andrew O'Dea
Security guard Larry Daley infiltrates the Smithsonian Institute in order to rescue his old friends.
"Night at the Museum 2" is an unfunny, unimaginative story devoid of any of the creativity and charm of its predecessor. Outstanding visuals are buried beneath a sprawling mess of a screenplay, as a mish-mash of gimmicky characters spend the entire movie running, babbling and slapping their way through what is a blatant recipe for dollars. Most annoying is a host of underdeveloped historical figures making wise-cracks that adults simply won't find funny, and children won't even be able to relate to. This exhibit deserves to be shut-down permanently.
Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Andrew O'Dea
When Sid's attempt to adopt three dinosaur eggs gets him abducted by their real mother to an underground lost world, his friends attempt to rescue him.
"Ice Age 3" fails dismally in its attempt at what is now the benchmark for a successful animation - the discerning ability to entertain both kids and adults alike. Stunning visuals alone are not enough, more importantly, there must be a plot to match. The creativity of the earliest films have all but melted away, as the paint-by-numbers storyline combines with jokes so dated they're almost pre-historic. Let's hope this franchise is now extinct too.
Winged Creatures
Anne Murphy
A group of strangers form a unique relationship with each other after surviving a random shooting.
Normality is shattered by a horrific event and the characters fall apart in ways that beggar belief. Truth is reportedly stranger than fiction, and in this instance the clumsy storylines drawn out of the central trauma have little semblance to possible truth. PTSD reactions should be left to psychologists not scriptwriters. This is as downbeat a movie as you're ever likely to see, and all the more irksome for the condescending portrayals of the working class characters. Fly away.
My Life in Ruins
Wendy Slevison
A travel guide rediscovers her romantic side when she takes a tour group on a trip around Greece.
"My Life in Ruins" is a flamboyant, sugar-sweet romantic comedy set along the tourist trail of Greece and it's islands. With its one-dimensional leading lady and characters so stereotyped they are virtually caricature, this cloyingly sentimental movie is only moderately enjoyable. As it takes you on its plodding and predictable bus ride towards 'true love', the film's spectacular scenery overwhelms the naive and formulaic plot. For something syrupy and Greek, I would recommend a piece of Baklava instead.
- Genre » Comedy
- Festival » Greek Film Festival 2009