2012
Anthony Macali
An epic adventure about a global cataclysm that brings an end to the world.
For the most part, "2012" requires you to be strapped in as you are overwhelmed by loud noises and CGI carnage. But what little joy there is to savour in the crumbling of national monuments is quickly lost in the cracks of boredom. There are only so many times a plane can out-run impending destruction before a plot becomes anymore predictable, while we look at our watches and wonder why oh why is it taking so long for the world to end? Yet another disappointment from a director of disasters.
A Few Best Men
Anne Murphy
An English groom and his three best men travel to the Australian Blue Mountains for his wedding.
Everything about a "A Few Best Men" is exaggerated. From the central romance to the panoramic Australian scenes, the lure and perils of illicit drugs for the groomsmen to the political ambition of the bride's father, this movie is larger than life and complete with a cast of clichéd characters. As is expected of wedding fairytales there is little semblance to reality. Not that there is anything wrong with cinema escapism, but some will want to escape the cinema rather than watch this celebration of matrimony. Baaa.
A Film with Me in It
Anne Murphy
A couple of out of work actors find themselves in a predicament, as accidental deaths pile up around them.
The situation the characters in this movie find themselves in is both dark and comical, but as a black comedy, it fails to deliver. The premise is clever but never witty, and the characters are droll and bumbling, comedic without being funny. There are all of the necessary ingredients to arouse laughter, but when it's served up the dish simply fails to amuse. Something about this film with me in the audience just doesn't seem right.
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Anthony Macali
A re-imagining of the horror icon Freddy Krueger, a serial-killer who wields a glove with four blades embedded in the fingers and kills people in their dreams, resulting in their real death in reality.
Without an introduction, "A Nightmare on Elm Street" is terribly confusing. Some cool transitional effects blur the real and dream worlds: Freddy appears loudly, he cuts, blood is spilled... and the kids die in an amusing fashion. The result isn't very good, as too much tension is drawn from sound and not setup. Despite many micro-lapses, it does its best to keep you alive till the very end, and it eventually starts to make a little sense. It's difficult to stay awake during this deeply inferior remake.
Antarctica
Anne Murphy
A group of good looking Israeli men hang out at the same library, bar, and beds.
The physical encounters that make up the greater part of this movie are frequent and torrid. There is more heavy breathing than dialogue, and the storyline feels underdeveloped as a result. Desire and sex are not confused with love, and it's all a little cold as a result. Odd that with such pumping action, emotions are so understated. There is no deceit, an absence of jealousy; the characters are as cool as they're hot. "Antarctica" - little wonder the ice caps are melting.
- Genre » Drama Romance
- Festival » Melbourne Queer Film Festival 2009
Arthur
Andrew O'Dea
A drunken playboy stands to lose his inheritance when he falls for a woman his family doesn't like.
"Arthur" displays all the symptoms of an unnecessary remake. It suffers from a typically trite screenplay and a bevy of unfunny and uninspired gags. Although there are some definite laugh-out-loud moments and an often entertaining rapport between the leading man and his 'nanny', the problem is that they're interspersed by long stretches of boredom and an excruciatingly clichéd romance. You can't help but feel the comedic talent on display is wasted. You won't find Camelot here.
Attack the Block
Anthony Macali
A teen gang in South London defend their block from an alien invasion.
Right, in "Attack the Block" you got these vicious gorilla alien 'tings. They try to merc our crew, fo' real, and it can get quite scary when they use their glow-in-the-dark teeth, 'innit. The lighting is awesome yo', but them characters aren't the best and thankfully don't last long... if you know what I'm saying. The leader of the gang is cool, and believable, but the rest of the film gets too repetitive and not likeable and stuff. Everyone keeps talking like 'tis, you know, and it gets way irritating by the end. No need to check it.
Bad Teacher
Wendy Slevison
A foul-mouthed junior high teacher sets her sights on a rich colleague instead.
This is a movie that starts out at full throttle, and from there, finds it hard to maintain momentum. Despite trying so hard to be outrageous with its brazen, juvenile comedy, "Bad Teacher" is ultimately not terribly funny. The jokes are just too obvious; there is no subtlety or nuance. Everything is in your face. The cast, in particular the leading lady, work (too) hard with mediocre material that lacks wit and warmth. You don't care about what happens to these 'teachers' - and you definitely don't want to waste an apple on any of them.
Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son
Wendy Slevison
FBI agent Malcolm Turner and his stepson Trent go undercover at an all-girls performing arts school after Trent witnesses a murder.
This is not the kind of movie you go to see hoping for an original and engaging comedy. The premise is an oldie, but not necessarily a goodie - a ludicrous tale where it becomes imperative for a couple of hitherto "normal" men to dress as overweight, gaudily styled women in order to avoid detection by the so-called bad guys. There are a few laughs in this completely over the top shambles, but not the kind that make you feel good inside. Please Big Momma... no more... moviegoers deserve better.
Canteen
Anne Murphy
The events in a night, from dusk to dawn, at a roadside kebab caravan, Kantina.
People come and go throughout the night, what brings them to the canteen is a mystery - most don't drop in for the food. What does happen is a confusion of events and characters. Greek speakers in the audience will chuckle more than the non-Greek speakers, as the subtitles seem to lose something in translation. As the canteen's patrons muddled along throughout the disjointed storyline, it's no surprise the production quality suffered the same fate and was inconsistent from scene to scene. You'll be left hungry after visiting "Canteen".
- Genre » Comedy Drama
- Release » Limited 15 Oct 2010
- Festival » Greek Film Festival 2010
Carlos
Anne Murphy
A TV mini-series, chronicling the exploits of Carlos the Jackal, edited and cut for showing as a movie.
Carlos is an interesting figure to discover more about. He comes across as an opportunistic mercenary rather than a terrorist dedicated to a cause, and what's apparent is the ego of a man who considered himself a revolutionary. Part history and part reconstruction, the use of news footage provides a documentary sense of realism. A small screen budget is evident in the uneven set quality, lighting, and the use of a hand held camera; it's all a bit bumpy. Complex politics make surprisingly tedious viewing.
- Genre » Biography History Drama
- Release » Limited 28 Apr 2011
- Festival » French Film Festival 2011
Charlie St. Cloud
Tom Jones
Charlie St. Cloud is a young man overcome by grief at the death of his younger brother. So much so that he takes a job as caretaker of the cemetery in which his brother is buried.
Under usual circumstances, if someone could see dead people, they'd be called crazy. But apparently, if that someone is incredibly good looking, it's endearing. For a film, which deals with heavy subject matter, it's rather underwhelming. Too much emphasis is placed on peripherals (what do geese have to do with anything?) and not enough on the tragedy and trauma, which comes with losing someone. When it comes to Charlie, best stick to the regular seven stages of mourning.
Chronicle
Stefan Bugryn
Three high school friends gain superpowers after making an incredible discovery.
All the audience needs to know is this movie is nowhere near as cool as it sounds. "Chronicle" might have its moments, like a seriously awesome action scene towards the end, but as for the rest, it simply falls short of being anything really unique. Instead, it will be left to your imagination to fill in the gaps of what it could've been. Sometimes the film is just plain awkward to watch, thanks in no large part to the B-grade scripting, dialogue, special effects, acting... pretty much all of it. Chronicle this one as 'fail'.
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant
Courtney Slevison
A teenage boy unknowingly breaks a 200-year-old truce between two warring factions of vampires.
This film has all the right ingredients but never quite lives up to its initial promise. There is great potential in the colourful and quirky characters, but due to a slow and drawn-out plot, they never really get fleshed out. Lying somewhere between comedy and pre-teen horror, there just aren't enough laughs or scares to succeed in either genre. As the title clearly suggests, this film is designed to be the first of a franchise, but for a film about vampires and circus freaks, it just doesn't have enough bite to keep you hooked.
Conan the Barbarian
Andrew O'Dea
The tale of Conan the Cimmerian and his adventures across the continent of Hyboria on a quest to avenge the murder of his father and the slaughter of his village.
"Conan the Barbarian" is a spectacle without substance. Produced on a large scale, the set design and fight sequences are initially impressive, replete with gruesome, blood-spattering violence. Most disappointing though, is that ultimately the film becomes repetitive and tiresome. Amplified by the lack of any characterisation at all, the audience soon discovers there's no backbone to the bone-crushing... and the most barbaric thing is the fact you have to pay the cost of admission.