A Few Days in September - Movie Poster

A Few Days in September

1.5 Anthony Macali

September the 1st, 2001. Elliot, an American CIA agent holding top secret information on the immediate future of the world.

This film is best summarised in its title. It simply follows a couple of people spending a few days in September. They talk; sometimes they meet people, only to have to wait a day to meet them again, allowing more hapless discussion. The direction features a series of blurry shots throughout, with an impact undermined by the headaches they induce. The dialogue is ambiguous, characters ever-so irritating and an ending more irksome than profound.


Battle: Los Angeles - Movie Poster

Battle: Los Angeles

1.5 Anthony Macali

A recently discharged Staff Sergeant goes back into the line of duty in order to assist a 2nd Lieutenant and his platoon as they fight to reclaim the city of Los Angeles from alien invaders.

"Battle: Los Angeles" is good at a few things: making sure the plot is abundantly clear, and producing loud noises to accompany the greatest array of CGI army vehicles and artillery ever known to man. Only a few clicks into the running time, the mind numbs, and your time is invaded by boredom. The inordinate amounts of action will only provide service to pubescent teens seeking the same experience as their video games. Want more than pyrotechnics, and you're fighting a losing battle.


Bride Wars - Movie Poster

Bride Wars

1.5 Wendy Slevison

Two best friends become rivals when they schedule their respective weddings on the same day.

If your idea of comedy is watching two intelligent and astute female characters descend into idiocy over their oh-so-precious weddings, then you may just enjoy this movie. To everyone else, I offer a warning - AVOID. "Bride Wars" is squirmingly bad clichéd drivel, which relies too heavily on uninspired sight gags for its laughs. There are far more worthy films for discerning moviegoers to spend their money on, and supporting this rubbish only encourages more of it.


Cop Out - Movie Poster

Cop Out

1.5 Anthony Macali

A comedy about a veteran NYPD cop whose rare baseball card is stolen. Since it's his only hope to pay for his daughter's upcoming wedding, he recruits his partner to track down the thief.

"Cop Out" is a deliberate homage to the budding action-comedy films of the eighties, and does them a great injustice. There are some jokes, but they mainly consist of characters behaving badly to themes of terribly distorted music that insult the subject of its imitations. Admittedly, there is fun pondering over the motivations of the cast and if they realised they were a partner to such a flop. This film should be suspended without release.


Curling - Movie Poster

Curling

1.5 Andrew O'Dea

A keen look at the unusual private life of a father and his daughter, set on the fringe of society.

This is one of those movies where the audience is left in suspense, waiting with the expectation of some hidden moral message or meaning to come. Except in this film, it never does. Sure, the point might very well be the examination of a protagonist who in essence is uninteresting, or even the examination of an uninteresting man's life... unfortunately this translates to the entirety of "Curling" as well. Sitting through it will leave you wishing you were able to stick your head in the snow of its wintry backdrop than endure another drawn-out minute. Would rather cop a snowball to the face.


Dorian Gray - Movie Poster

Dorian Gray

1.5 Wendy Slevison

A corrupt young man keeps his youthful beauty eternally, but a painting reveals his inner ugliness.

Set in Victorian London, this film is a turgid and vulgar representation of a fascinating morality tale by an author renowned for his witty social commentary. Sadly, all wit is lost due to the blank, lacklustre performance by the central player. Despite stylishly replicating the era,and having a strong support cast, "Dorian Gray" completely lacks substance, and the CGI effects used for the portrait become increasingly, albeit unintentionally, comic. Regrettably, this movie is as ugly in it's essence as the title character.


Fighting - Movie Poster

Fighting

1.5 Andrew O'Dea

In New York City, a young counterfeiter is introduced to the world of street fighting.

"Fighting" is yet another 'underground' brawling pic that packs little punch. Don't be mislead by the title, as this movie plays more like an unconvincing character study interrupted by the odd fist-fight. Weighed down by a seriously sluggish plot, it drags on from scene to scene, evoking little feeling except making you want to throw in the towel. Brutal, bone-crunching fights are laughable, leaving the mumbling pretty-boy-lead with nothing but a few scratches on his chin. Pay the price for admission and you're in for one nasty sucker-punch.


G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - Movie Poster

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

1.5 Courtney Slevison

An elite military unit comprised of special operatives known as G.I. Joe, takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer.

In an already crowded genre, it takes a lot for a sci-fi action flick to stand out. It requires clever script-writing, restraint in the special effects department and quality acting. This film has none of those elements, and is therefore a forgettable, mediocre experience. The dialogue is so bad it's hard to sit through, and is punctuated every 10 minutes by an action sequence so over-produced it seems cartoon-ish. For die-hard actions fans only!


Hahaha - Movie Poster

Hahaha

1.5 Anne Murphy

Two men, who don't realise they have just holidayed in the same place, at the same time, and with the same people, talk about their respective holidays over drinks.

The premise of "Hahaha" is quite amusing and the film is described as a comedy. It's a low budget effort with no fancy props or effects. Redolent of a lazy summer holiday, the pace is almost lethargic. However, the pace and simple presentation are problematic when watching becomes tedious and eye-lids heavy. Despite the cleverness of the plot told from different perspectives, the film relates a boring tale albeit in a picturesque setting. Hmmmmm...


Holy Motors - Movie Poster

Holy Motors

1.5 Stefan Bugryn

The mysterious Monsieur Oscar spends a day vaulting from one persona to the next…

Be warned: this surrealist fantasia is one hell of a challenge. Like an abstract painting, precious little is explained, and almost everything is open to interpretation. More questions are raised than answered, which will no doubt instigate discussion and arguments after viewing. Sadly, the majority of those questions are just plain pretentious, self indulgent, and weird. It will confound, confuse, shock, tease, frustrate, and ultimately, divide the audience. If it doesn't captivate you, it will simply disgust you. But that's the beauty of cinema, right? Well, not for everyone.


Jack Reacher - Movie Poster

Jack Reacher

1.5 Andrew O'Dea

A homicide investigator delves into a case involving a trained sniper who shot five random victims.

"Jack Reacher" is an outlandish crime-drama hampered by a severe lack of originality and a false assuredness in its direction. Rather than maintaining an element of suspense, crucial twists and plot points are explained in painstaking detail, as the film builds to an anti-climax you wish arrived sooner. Along with gaping holes in the storyline that are just plain baffling, action sequences are boring and generic, and the dialogue clichéd to the point of being unintentionally laughable. Don't go reaching into your pocket for this cinematic mess.


Knowing - Movie Poster

Knowing

1.5 Anthony Macali

A teacher opens a time capsule that has been dug up at his son's elementary school; in it are some chilling predictions lead him to believe his family plays a role in the events that are about to unfold.

"Knowing" is a movie about numbers and creepy whispering guys who ghost around gifting children smooth black rocks and cute white rabbits. These are but small examples of its absurdity, and should only appeal to those sadistic few who enjoy seeing large groups of people killed in disastrous CGI mayhem (or the constant and expressionless face of the lead actor). Knowing this is what the future may hold, there is no excuse to watch this film.


Land of the Lost - Movie Poster

Land of the Lost

1.5 Andrew O'Dea

On his latest expedition, Dr. Rick Marshall is sucked into a space-time vortex alongside his research assistant and a redneck survivalist.

"Land of the Lost" is an abomination of a movie. Bad sets combine with bad acting to create a "comedy" with no excuse for the multitude of tasteless jokes devoid of even the slightest hint of wit. Every scene seems to be nothing more than yet another tireless opportunity to parade some gimmicky prop, as it consistently loses all sense of direction. The only thing to be found in this film is an overwhelming sense of relief when the end credits roll.


Mammuth - Movie Poster

Mammuth

1.5 Anne Murphy

A retiree battles to obtain his rightfully due pension.

The grainy uneven quality of this film could be interpreted as artistic or just plain grainy and uneven. This movie was black to the point of miserable. Rather than being entertaining, "Mammuth" is bizarre. Populated with lifeless and simple characters, it's also dull. Even if you 'get' the redemptive elements of the awkward road-trip, you can't help but resent the waste of your time spent watching these lives less lived. Honestly there is no poetry in sliced ham, but you'll have to sit through a screening to 'get' that reference. Only if you must.


Margaret - Movie Poster

Margaret

1.5 Stefan Bugryn

A horrific bus accident sends a young woman down an emotionally destructive path to seek justice.

This film is painfully long. The lazy editing could have culled a scene or ten, saving the audience some sanity and patience. Instead, we’re left with an overly intricate nit-picking of one of the most annoying characters in cinema. She is a dishonest, manipulative, and obnoxious teenager who uses others for her own self-righteousness. The supposed saving grace is her ‘noble’ intention, but she comes across as nothing more than an unrelenting monster. A lot of the scenes are too pretentious and preachy to be taken seriously. Have a Margarita instead.