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Wanted
Anthony Macali
A frustrated office worker learns that he is the son of a professional assassin, and that he shares his father's superhuman killing abilities.
The major problem with "Wanted" is that it's really stupid. It requires an absolute suspension of belief, as we're supposed to believe "looms of fate" can prove fatal. Story aside, some of the sequences are decent in their slow-mo gun-toting CGI kind of way. If the film didn't take itself so seriously, the setup would not be completely ridiculous. Over-the-top choreographed action cannot save it from a predictable plot and a fraternity of two-dimensional characters.
Inkheart
Andrew O'Dea
A young girl discovers her father has an amazing talent to bring characters out of their books and must try to stop a freed villain from destroying them all, with the help of her father and a storybook's hero.
"Inkheart" simply lacks the creativity to be anything but another tired endeavor at a 'book-to-big screen' adaptation. The result is an unconvincing and gimmicky film, full of clichés and characters severely devoid of any depth. It fails miserably in its attempted (and not so subtlety implied) homage to the great stories of history, as it tediously waddles from scene to scene with all the imagination of an inkblot. Stay home and read a book instead.
Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son
Wendy Slevison
FBI agent Malcolm Turner and his stepson Trent go undercover at an all-girls performing arts school after Trent witnesses a murder.
This is not the kind of movie you go to see hoping for an original and engaging comedy. The premise is an oldie, but not necessarily a goodie - a ludicrous tale where it becomes imperative for a couple of hitherto "normal" men to dress as overweight, gaudily styled women in order to avoid detection by the so-called bad guys. There are a few laughs in this completely over the top shambles, but not the kind that make you feel good inside. Please Big Momma... no more... moviegoers deserve better.
Salt
Andrew O'Dea
A CIA agent goes on the run after a defector accuses her of being a Russian spy.
"Salt" manages to be as unoriginal as it is uninteresting; a bona fide recipe for a dissatisfying movie. A host of irrelevant scenes basically serve as filler to a myriad of unimaginative action sequences that lack any real vigour - and achieve nothing but to create a sense of going through the motions. It also fails to engage on any sort of intellectual level, even though the absurd yet predictable political sub-plot clearly aspired to. Although admirable performances from the cast do their part to spice up an otherwise dull story, after a serving of this film you won't feel anything but malnourished.
Twilight
Andrew O'Dea
A teenage girl risks everything when she falls in love with a vampire.
"Twilight" is in essence a thinly veiled melodrama. The bulk of the film constitutes parading an endless procession of our star-crossed lovers staring longingly at each other, which achieves nothing but to reduce it to a lumbering bore. It feels like filler to a paper-thin plot, glaringly prevalent when crucial story revelations are uncovered simply by using an online search engine. An overwhelming sense of the anemic is coupled with dialogue that is as bland and as pale as the vampires' ridiculous skin. Appropriately put, this movie sucks.
Observe and Report
Anthony Macali
Bi-polar mall security guard Ronnie Barnhardt is called into action to stop a flasher from turning shopper's paradise into his personal peep show.
"Observe and Report" is a terribly misjudged comedy. Ronnie, our 'hero', is a guy you don't like, don't care about, and don't find funny. It's a simple formula for failure, made worse by poor behaviour and excessive swearing, cheap tools for laughter. Some scenes are so misconceived, they border on surrealism. It's a disappointing effort from a cast who should know better. Protect yourself and don't watch this.
A Nightmare on Elm Street
Anthony Macali
A re-imagining of the horror icon Freddy Krueger, a serial-killer who wields a glove with four blades embedded in the fingers and kills people in their dreams, resulting in their real death in reality.
Without an introduction, "A Nightmare on Elm Street" is terribly confusing. Some cool transitional effects blur the real and dream worlds: Freddy appears loudly, he cuts, blood is spilled... and the kids die in an amusing fashion. The result isn't very good, as too much tension is drawn from sound and not setup. Despite many micro-lapses, it does its best to keep you alive till the very end, and it eventually starts to make a little sense. It's difficult to stay awake during this deeply inferior remake.
Iron Sky
Anthony Macali
The Nazis set up a secret base on the moon in 1945 where they hide out and plan to return to power in 2018.
Venture to the dark side of the moon and you will discover the Nazi's of "Iron Sky". Yes, the film is ridiculous, as the premise might suggest. A war brought to life with cartoonish CGI done on the cheap, which in all honesty, looks quite impressive considering the obvious budget constraints. There are some funny jokes about technology, even a little on politics, but for the most part it's space-junk, including a sleuth of Germans and Americans who are really annoying. B-Grade fanfare.
Cowboys & Aliens
Anthony Macali
A spaceship arrives in Arizona, 1873, to take over the Earth, starting with the Wild West region.
"Cowboys and Aliens" really is as stupid as the title suggests. What begins promisingly as a well-grounded western with a barely acceptable premise, slowly turns to farcical romp. It seems the 'aliens' are reduced to a basic condiment, simply added as a side dish, or a spice, in an otherwise very bland story. Sure, it's probably the only chance you'll get to see an extraterrestrial get hog-tied, but that's no excuse for a film where the characters and audience share a single plight… as mere victims of gold-digging.
Date Night
Wendy Slevison
In New York City, a case of mistaken identity turns a bored married couple's attempt at a glamorous and romantic evening into something more thrilling and dangerous.
With its highly talented stars and strong supporting cast, this movie should have been a sure thing. What a disappointment that it's barely funny, and even worse, actually quite boring. The staging and script are clumsy, trying way too hard to garner laughs. Somehow nothing seems to click, and you just end up feeling uncomfortable watching so much effort for so little return. Like a bad date, "Date Night" makes you wish you'd opted for a quiet night in.
Wrath of the Titans
Anthony Macali
Perseus braves the treacherous underworld to rescue his captured father, Zeus.
If the Greek gods saw this film, they would be pretty angry. "Wrath of the Titans" has a power of boredom to rival its ancestor. Clearly the film-makers just made up the rules for these ancient characters along the way. At each checkpoint we get an explanation of the plot, and without it you would find yourself in a place darker than the underworld. Admittedly the CGI is impressive, but ultimately of no consequence in a world of gods and humans we don't care about. Let us pray they don't forge another.
Vampires Suck
Anthony Macali
A spoof of vampire-themed movies, where teenager Becca finds herself torn between two boys.
"Vampires Suck" is far from cinematic, but does show what an easy target the re-imagined world of vampires is. From acting quirks to excessive angst, there are some surprising moments of insight and wit, while restoring the bloody horror absent from its subject matter in outrageous style. Such humour quickly turns to the dark-side, resorting to poor slapstick and pop culture references that are simply embarrassing and beyond farcical. Admittedly, both fans and non-believers of the saga will find delight in the film's jocularity. A ridiculous observation of the blatantly ridiculous.
Ghost Town
Andrew O'Dea
When Pincus dies unexpectedly, but is miraculously revived, he wakes up to discover that he now has the annoying ability to see ghosts.
Simply put, this movie is a 'rom-com' that is neither romantic, nor funny. It utterly fails to deliver on the potential of its premise, instead delivering a plot that feels all too scripted and formulaic. As it labors along in an unimaginative state, you can't help but be frustrated by comedic talent that is severely underutilized. A completely transparent attempt at a comedy, "Ghost Town" is hauntingly bad.
Rush Hour 3
Anthony Macali
After an attempted assassination on Ambassador Han, Lee and Carter head to Paris to protect a French woman with knowledge of the Triads' secret leaders.
"Rush Hour 3" is a comedy riddled with contrivances. Before the franchise can sink any lower, our first genuine laugh arrives in the sewer. It's the last laugh to come till the finalé, in which an over-computer-generated sequence of fights and thrills on the Eiffel Tower are less than spectacular. You will find the outtakes the most enjoyable part, and they're not even in the movie! Don't rush to see this one.
The Bucket List
Anthony Macali
Two terminally ill men escape from a cancer ward and head off on a road trip with a wish list of to-dos before they die.
The problem about these two men, apart from their uninspired performances, is the fact we don't care if they pass away or not. Their ambitions are more comparable to household chores, as they trudge along each adventure in vapid fashion. The whole act is a little too cheesy, corny, and convenient for my liking. Better suited for a TV midday movie, this film should not be on your list.