Imagine That - Movie Poster

Imagine That

2.0 Anne Murphy

A financial executive who can't stop his career downspiral is invited into his daughter's imaginary world, where solutions to his problems await.

"Imagine That" is a confused family offering, where on one hand the setting is an industry probably incomprehensible to children, and on the other is humour that is juvenile, unlikely to amuse older audience members. Mediocre on many fronts, yet incredible too, as no special effects are used in a film where an imaginary world is a major plot feature. Some movies made for the big screen go straight to a DVD release, imagine that.


Fright Night - Movie Poster

Fright Night

2.0 Courtney Slevison

A teenager suspects that his new neighbour is a vampire.

The 'teenage vampire flick' has become a cinema epidemic, and "Fright Night" wastes no time in slotting itself right into the sexy/comedy/horror genre. Neither funny nor scary enough to hold its own, this latest addition feels like a clumsy mash-up of movies we have all seen before and is therefore predictable, soulless and unengaging. For some, it may be an enjoyable enough way to spend a couple of hours, but ultimately this one is frightfully forgettable.


The Green Hornet - Movie Poster

The Green Hornet

2.0 Anthony Macali

Following the death of his father, Britt Reid, heir to his father's large company, teams up with his late dad's assistant Kato to become a masked crime fighting team.

"The Green Hornet" tries to be cool, tries to be awesome... and fails dismally on both accounts. Our hero duo are completely uninspiring, and the film's meager amount of laughs are drawn from nothing but their bitterful banter and marvellings at high-tech creations with self-indulged clamour. The action scenes do their job, and there is an interesting sub-plot of media politics, but it arrives far too late in the piece for salvation. It sting's, it hurts, and has been done much better before.


The Watch - Movie Poster

The Watch

2.0 Andrew O'Dea

Four men who form a neighbourhood watch group as a way to get out of their day-to-day family routines find themselves defending the Earth from an alien invasion.

This is a high-concept, low-brow comedy that simply doesn't work. Sure, the initial shock-value might elicit some laughs, but a lazily written script will ensure that variations of the same vulgar gags will become tiresome and stale. Even some genuinely funny moments from particular leads aren't enough to resurrect a story which is nothing more than an after-thought to a barrage of unoriginal toilet humour. Don't watch "The Watch".


Labor Day - Movie Poster

Labor Day

2.0 Anne Murphy

Depressed single mom Adele and her son Henry offer a wounded, fearsome man a ride.

Five days can pass with a blink in screen time, but in this two hour effort the "Labor Day" weekend seems interminable, and staying engaged takes a bit of effort. This low-action romance might leave you snickering as the credits roll, such is the implausibility, and it's difficult to believe it's supposed to be taken seriously. Fortunately the actors keep the film together with fine performances, yet as hard as they work, their efforts are insufficient to weigh credibility to the story. Even if you're ready for the weekend, just keep Friday on your mind.


Street Kings - Movie Poster

Street Kings

2.0 Anthony Macali

Tom is a veteran cop who finds life difficult to navigate after the death of his wife. When evidence implicates him in the execution of a fellow officer, he is forced to go up against the cop culture.

"Street Kings" is a dull, clichéd and terrible episode of life on the streets of LA. You have the African-American brother, the Mexicano Esé, the Korean Triad and the hard-boiled cops who always look out for each other and play the tough guy. The whole setup is embarrassing, with very mediocre and laughable dialogue, as well as unthreatening criminals who always end up helping the police. Filmed in a style where excessive grittiness is king, this is actually bad.


Marley & Me - Movie Poster

Marley & Me

2.0 Wendy Slevison

A family learns important life lessons from their adorable, but naughty and neurotic dog.

"Marley and Me" positions itself as a romantic comedy but unfortunately it fails to deliver. With no chemistry between its lead actors, the characters and plot are difficult to engage with, and you find yourself not really caring about the human stars. It's the 22 adorable Labradors who share the role of Marley that are the best part of this movie, and the only laughs come from the innumerable scenes of chewing and destruction. For dog-lovers with lots of patience only.


The Box - Movie Poster

The Box

2.0 Anthony Macali

A small wooden box arrives on the doorstep of a married couple, who know that opening it will grant them a million dollars and kill someone they don't know.

Based on a short-story, this creepy film doesn't live up to its promising premise. A lot of weird stuff happens - blood noses, gateways, lightening and other unintentionally funny moments of suspense. The score is atmospheric, performances solid, but intriguing questions of morality are lost in the frustratingly ponderous revelations. The lesson here is to stay at home in your box, perhaps watch the box, and avoid the confusion that is "The Box".


Jumper - Movie Poster

Jumper

2.0 Anthony Macali

A genetic anomaly allows a young man to teleport himself anywhere. He discovers this gift has existed for centuries and finds himself in a war that has been raging for thousands of years.

Our young hero entertains when exploiting his gift to rob banks and travel the world. It's unacceptable to spend the entire film showcasing how cool this teleporting is. Whenever our protagonist meets the other characters of the story, the interactions are simply woeful. This film constantly jumps scene to scene skipping any traces of plot or action and leaving a scar of disappointment no person should go through.


Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son - Movie Poster

Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son

2.0 Wendy Slevison

FBI agent Malcolm Turner and his stepson Trent go undercover at an all-girls performing arts school after Trent witnesses a murder.

This is not the kind of movie you go to see hoping for an original and engaging comedy. The premise is an oldie, but not necessarily a goodie - a ludicrous tale where it becomes imperative for a couple of hitherto "normal" men to dress as overweight, gaudily styled women in order to avoid detection by the so-called bad guys. There are a few laughs in this completely over the top shambles, but not the kind that make you feel good inside. Please Big Momma... no more... moviegoers deserve better.


Inkheart - Movie Poster

Inkheart

2.0 Andrew O'Dea

A young girl discovers her father has an amazing talent to bring characters out of their books and must try to stop a freed villain from destroying them all, with the help of her father and a storybook's hero.

"Inkheart" simply lacks the creativity to be anything but another tired endeavor at a 'book-to-big screen' adaptation. The result is an unconvincing and gimmicky film, full of clichés and characters severely devoid of any depth. It fails miserably in its attempted (and not so subtlety implied) homage to the great stories of history, as it tediously waddles from scene to scene with all the imagination of an inkblot. Stay home and read a book instead.


Grace of Monaco - Movie Poster

Grace of Monaco

2.0 Anne Murphy

The story Grace Kelly's crisis of marriage and identity, during a political dispute between Monaco and France, and a looming invasion of Monaco.

We're informed that this is a fictitious account of real events and it's impossible to discern what's real and what's not. It's an intriguing story that might have worked better as complete fiction. The princess is acted with beauty and grace, pardon the pun, but there are an annoying number of full screen close-ups of her countenance. If the camera is looking for warts shouldn't it focus on a frog or the prince? Airy-fairytale.


The Hangover Part III - Movie Poster

The Hangover Part III

2.0 Andrew O'Dea

There's no wedding and no bachelor party... but when the Wolfpack hits the road, all bets are off.

"The Hangover Part III" is a victim of its own success. Still running on the fumes of the hugely popular first installment, this outing is nothing more than a shameless cash-grab, where the only real debauchery involved is its mere production. What sort of 'hangover' movie doesn't even have a hangover? While there are some rare and isolated moments of hilarity, what lies in-between is nothing but a desert bereft of comedy or thrills where any laughter is contrived and strained at best. What happened in Vegas should've stayed in Vegas.


Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End - Movie Poster

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

2.0 Anthony Macali

The pirate lords of the world must unite to defend themselves against the East Indian Trading Company. This includes Captain Jack Sparrow, who must be retrieved from Davey Jones' Locker.

"Pirates" is long voyage of excruciating proportions that will leave you befuddled and confused. Don't worry if you don't understand any of it, as the monkey will do something funny after each key plot point is revealed to relieve you of the frustration of trying to comprehend the story. The director struggles to garner any credible performances from the crew, favouring computer action sequences over coherence. This movie sinks.


Winter's Tale - Movie Poster

Winter's Tale

2.0 Anthony Macali

A burglar falls for an heiress as she dies in his arms. When he learns that he has the gift of reincarnation, he sets out to save her.

The greatest miracle in "Winter's Tale" is how the film was born in the first place. For the most part, it doesn't make any sense, and talk of true love and flying horses only complicates matters even more. The funny thing is (aside from the cringe-worthy dialogue) is that the audience may actually find themselves interested in seeing just what other foolishness they might come up with. It seems the only magic lies in making up rules along the way to suit the story. Destined to fail.


Salt - Movie Poster

Salt

2.0 Andrew O'Dea

A CIA agent goes on the run after a defector accuses her of being a Russian spy.

"Salt" manages to be as unoriginal as it is uninteresting; a bona fide recipe for a dissatisfying movie. A host of irrelevant scenes basically serve as filler to a myriad of unimaginative action sequences that lack any real vigour - and achieve nothing but to create a sense of going through the motions. It also fails to engage on any sort of intellectual level, even though the absurd yet predictable political sub-plot clearly aspired to. Although admirable performances from the cast do their part to spice up an otherwise dull story, after a serving of this film you won't feel anything but malnourished.


Total Recall - Movie Poster

Total Recall

2.0 Andrew O'Dea

A factory worker begins to suspect that he is a spy after having fake memories planted in his head.

"Total Recall" is an unimaginative, humourless insult to the original sci-fi classic it is based upon. A convoluted script that takes itself way too seriously is only compounded by a host of cheesy one-liners delivered by actors that have neither the charm nor charisma to pull them off. The CGI is excessive and poorly executed, although certain fanboys might be pleased by the 'extra titillation' on offer. The entire movie feels like one continuous chase scene, propelled by a storyline that is nothing more than lame political allegory. If only it was possible not to recall this disaster.


Observe and Report - Movie Poster

Observe and Report

2.0 Anthony Macali

Bi-polar mall security guard Ronnie Barnhardt is called into action to stop a flasher from turning shopper's paradise into his personal peep show.

"Observe and Report" is a terribly misjudged comedy. Ronnie, our 'hero', is a guy you don't like, don't care about, and don't find funny. It's a simple formula for failure, made worse by poor behaviour and excessive swearing, cheap tools for laughter. Some scenes are so misconceived, they border on surrealism. It's a disappointing effort from a cast who should know better. Protect yourself and don't watch this.


Bad Neighbours - Movie Poster

Bad Neighbours

2.0 Anthony Macali

A couple with a newborn face unexpected difficulties after they're forced to live next to a frat house.

"Bad Neighbours" lives up to the name. These new arrivals are loud, noisy and not very funny. It's apparent the dialogue is largely made of improvisation; a continuous set of fraternity gags and two conniving parents neither side of the fence is a winner. All the best jokes have cultural references, and with the film won't stand the test of time. The excruciating characters and experience make the running time feel so long. Just bad.


A Nightmare on Elm Street - Movie Poster

A Nightmare on Elm Street

2.0 Anthony Macali

A re-imagining of the horror icon Freddy Krueger, a serial-killer who wields a glove with four blades embedded in the fingers and kills people in their dreams, resulting in their real death in reality.

Without an introduction, "A Nightmare on Elm Street" is terribly confusing. Some cool transitional effects blur the real and dream worlds: Freddy appears loudly, he cuts, blood is spilled... and the kids die in an amusing fashion. The result isn't very good, as too much tension is drawn from sound and not setup. Despite many micro-lapses, it does its best to keep you alive till the very end, and it eventually starts to make a little sense. It's difficult to stay awake during this deeply inferior remake.


Charlie St. Cloud - Movie Poster

Charlie St. Cloud

2.0 Tom Jones

Charlie St. Cloud is a young man overcome by grief at the death of his younger brother. So much so that he takes a job as caretaker of the cemetery in which his brother is buried.

Under usual circumstances, if someone could see dead people, they'd be called crazy. But apparently, if that someone is incredibly good looking, it's endearing. For a film, which deals with heavy subject matter, it's rather underwhelming. Too much emphasis is placed on peripherals (what do geese have to do with anything?) and not enough on the tragedy and trauma, which comes with losing someone. When it comes to Charlie, best stick to the regular seven stages of mourning.


Date Night - Movie Poster

Date Night

2.0 Wendy Slevison

In New York City, a case of mistaken identity turns a bored married couple's attempt at a glamorous and romantic evening into something more thrilling and dangerous.

With its highly talented stars and strong supporting cast, this movie should have been a sure thing. What a disappointment that it's barely funny, and even worse, actually quite boring. The staging and script are clumsy, trying way too hard to garner laughs. Somehow nothing seems to click, and you just end up feeling uncomfortable watching so much effort for so little return. Like a bad date, "Date Night" makes you wish you'd opted for a quiet night in.


Vampires Suck - Movie Poster

Vampires Suck

2.0 Anthony Macali

A spoof of vampire-themed movies, where teenager Becca finds herself torn between two boys.

"Vampires Suck" is far from cinematic, but does show what an easy target the re-imagined world of vampires is. From acting quirks to excessive angst, there are some surprising moments of insight and wit, while restoring the bloody horror absent from its subject matter in outrageous style. Such humour quickly turns to the dark-side, resorting to poor slapstick and pop culture references that are simply embarrassing and beyond farcical. Admittedly, both fans and non-believers of the saga will find delight in the film's jocularity. A ridiculous observation of the blatantly ridiculous.


What's Your Number - Movie Poster

What's Your Number

2.0 Anthony Macali

A woman looks back at the past twenty men she's had relationships with in her life and wonders if one of them might be her one true love.

In a story about finding 'the one', "What's Your Number" is concerned about the number of partners you have slept with. The city setting is beautifully shot, and a vast contrast to the crude nature of much of the discussion. The romantic duo at is generally likeable, always walking and eating and conveniently wearing very little. Sadly, their plight is not one you can sympathise with, extending far beyond our span of attention. My number? 2 stars...


Chronicle - Movie Poster

Chronicle

2.0 Stefan Bugryn

Three high school friends gain superpowers after making an incredible discovery.

All the audience needs to know is this movie is nowhere near as cool as it sounds. "Chronicle" might have its moments, like a seriously awesome action scene towards the end, but as for the rest, it simply falls short of being anything really unique. Instead, it will be left to your imagination to fill in the gaps of what it could've been. Sometimes the film is just plain awkward to watch, thanks in no large part to the B-grade scripting, dialogue, special effects, acting... pretty much all of it. Chronicle this one as 'fail'.