A Few Days in September - Movie Poster

A Few Days in September

1.5 Anthony Macali

September the 1st, 2001. Elliot, an American CIA agent holding top secret information on the immediate future of the world.

This film is best summarised in its title. It simply follows a couple of people spending a few days in September. They talk; sometimes they meet people, only to have to wait a day to meet them again, allowing more hapless discussion. The direction features a series of blurry shots throughout, with an impact undermined by the headaches they induce. The dialogue is ambiguous, characters ever-so irritating and an ending more irksome than profound.


Fighting - Movie Poster

Fighting

1.5 Andrew O'Dea

In New York City, a young counterfeiter is introduced to the world of street fighting.

"Fighting" is yet another 'underground' brawling pic that packs little punch. Don't be mislead by the title, as this movie plays more like an unconvincing character study interrupted by the odd fist-fight. Weighed down by a seriously sluggish plot, it drags on from scene to scene, evoking little feeling except making you want to throw in the towel. Brutal, bone-crunching fights are laughable, leaving the mumbling pretty-boy-lead with nothing but a few scratches on his chin. Pay the price for admission and you're in for one nasty sucker-punch.


Play - Movie Poster

Play

1.5 Anne Murphy

Over the course of a tense afternoon, a gang of five lure three younger boys into a complex street scam in order to rob them.

"Play" is based on real events that happened in Sweden. The movie is shot on location and uses untrained actors, imbibing a mockumentary tone, leaving a funny taste that it is neither fact nor fiction. The interactions between the cocky perpetrators and the intimidated targets make racial tensions uncomfortably palpable, but there's little else on offer. Interesting enough, but real-time drags like slow motion as the film goes on and on without getting anywhere. No fun.


Curling - Movie Poster

Curling

1.5 Andrew O'Dea

A keen look at the unusual private life of a father and his daughter, set on the fringe of society.

This is one of those movies where the audience is left in suspense, waiting with the expectation of some hidden moral message or meaning to come. Except in this film, it never does. Sure, the point might very well be the examination of a protagonist who in essence is uninteresting, or even the examination of an uninteresting man's life... unfortunately this translates to the entirety of "Curling" as well. Sitting through it will leave you wishing you were able to stick your head in the snow of its wintry backdrop than endure another drawn-out minute. Would rather cop a snowball to the face.


Tabu - Movie Poster

Tabu

1.5 Anne Murphy

A Lisbon woman seeks out a man who has a secret connection to her neighbour’s past life on a farm by Mount Tabu in Africa.

The film-maker's craft is skillfully realised in stunning black and white, and "Tabu" is visually rewarding. Innovative audio techniques leave the telling of the background story to a narrator with a flat style that eventually weighs down interest. The real let down is a plot that lacks depth. The movie is not redeemed by its symbolism... a crocodile obviously warns of lurking danger. Ironically it's the very same reptile that remains the only snappy thing about this film. Not fabu(lous).


The Judge - Movie Poster

The Judge

1.5 Jan Di Pietro

A big city lawyer returns home where his father, the town's judge, is suspected of murder.

"The Judge" provides genteel drama with textbook precision. It places the family unit and justice as the guiding institutions for society, suggesting that if Middle America's families are suffering, the world will come crumbling down. What we all need, apparently, is law to keep us "equal". There are funny, commendable performances, although they are stained by poor script and story, and it becomes frustrating to watch genuinely interesting characters held hostage to beige tasks. Raise your right hand… away from your wallet!


Mammuth - Movie Poster

Mammuth

1.5 Anne Murphy

A retiree battles to obtain his rightfully due pension.

The grainy uneven quality of this film could be interpreted as artistic or just plain grainy and uneven. This movie was black to the point of miserable. Rather than being entertaining, "Mammuth" is bizarre. Populated with lifeless and simple characters, it's also dull. Even if you 'get' the redemptive elements of the awkward road-trip, you can't help but resent the waste of your time spent watching these lives less lived. Honestly there is no poetry in sliced ham, but you'll have to sit through a screening to 'get' that reference. Only if you must.


Passengers - Movie Poster

Passengers

1.5 Andrew O'Dea

A grief counselor working with a group of plane-crash survivors finds herself at the root of a mystery when her clients begin to disappear.

"Passengers" is a horrible drama that fails dismally in its feeble attempt to pose as a thriller. Everything about the movie is decidedly uneventful, accentuated by sluggish pacing and an unremarkable script. The gloomy camerawork throughout succeeds only in making the vapid plot seem monotonous; the only respite coming when it inevitably crashes and burns in a dissatisfying twist-ending. If you pay to go watch this film, you will have been taken for a ride.


Holy Motors - Movie Poster

Holy Motors

1.5 Stefan Bugryn

The mysterious Monsieur Oscar spends a day vaulting from one persona to the next…

Be warned: this surrealist fantasia is one hell of a challenge. Like an abstract painting, precious little is explained, and almost everything is open to interpretation. More questions are raised than answered, which will no doubt instigate discussion and arguments after viewing. Sadly, the majority of those questions are just plain pretentious, self indulgent, and weird. It will confound, confuse, shock, tease, frustrate, and ultimately, divide the audience. If it doesn't captivate you, it will simply disgust you. But that's the beauty of cinema, right? Well, not for everyone.


Knowing - Movie Poster

Knowing

1.5 Anthony Macali

A teacher opens a time capsule that has been dug up at his son's elementary school; in it are some chilling predictions lead him to believe his family plays a role in the events that are about to unfold.

"Knowing" is a movie about numbers and creepy whispering guys who ghost around gifting children smooth black rocks and cute white rabbits. These are but small examples of its absurdity, and should only appeal to those sadistic few who enjoy seeing large groups of people killed in disastrous CGI mayhem (or the constant and expressionless face of the lead actor). Knowing this is what the future may hold, there is no excuse to watch this film.


Push - Movie Poster

Push

1.5 Andrew O'Dea

Two young Americans with special abilities must race to find a girl in Hong Kong before a shadowy government organization called Division does.

"Push" is a forgettable addition to the 'superheroes' genre. The only superpower present here is the uncanny ability to teleport from one completely inane plot hole to another. The storyline is as boring as it is confusing, exacerbated by flimsy handheld camerawork and an unflattering visual style. Even the ostentatious action sequences end up looking like nothing more than sci-fi muddle. When push comes to shove, this film falls flat on its face.


Dorian Gray - Movie Poster

Dorian Gray

1.5 Wendy Slevison

A corrupt young man keeps his youthful beauty eternally, but a painting reveals his inner ugliness.

Set in Victorian London, this film is a turgid and vulgar representation of a fascinating morality tale by an author renowned for his witty social commentary. Sadly, all wit is lost due to the blank, lacklustre performance by the central player. Despite stylishly replicating the era,and having a strong support cast, "Dorian Gray" completely lacks substance, and the CGI effects used for the portrait become increasingly, albeit unintentionally, comic. Regrettably, this movie is as ugly in it's essence as the title character.


Something Borrowed - Movie Poster

Something Borrowed

1.0 Thomas Jones

Friendships are tested and secrets come to the surface when terminally single Rachel falls for Dex, her best friend Darcy's fiancé.

If any actor is quoted saying it was the 'great script', which attracted them to this film, they are lying. Sure the movie promotes itself as a romantic comedy, but it fails in both genres. Every time there are glimpses of comedy, the script turns it on its head and it all becomes really deep. You almost feel sorry for the actors who try their best to make lemonade out of lemons. "Something Borrowed" will borrow your time and never give it back.


Exodus: Gods and Kings - Movie Poster

Exodus: Gods and Kings

1.0 Jan Di Pietro

The defiant leader Moses rises up against the Egyptian Pharaoh Ramses, setting 600,000 slaves on a monumental journey of escape from Egypt and its terrifying cycle of deadly plagues.

Moses... know him, right? Too bad if you don't! It's his story, although instead of a story, "Exodus: Gods and Kings" presents itself like a literal recounting of events. Like Moses' walk in the desert, this film is long, arduous, and is likely to cause hunger and thirst. It's always strange to watch historical figures behaving like modern folk. Ancient Egypt is recreated with astounding visuals... about all it's worth. Might be fun for "believers", but the movie gods have abandoned the rest of us.


The Dilemma - Movie Poster

The Dilemma

1.0 Anne Murphy

A man discovers that his best friend's wife is having an affair.

"The Dilemma" is a window into the phallocentric world of a couple of blokey blokes, and it might have been best to keep the blinds down. In a series of poorly edited improvisations, naif blockheads blunder around trying to bump into a joke. Serious themes are underdeveloped and presented with a whacky, zany tempo that leaves the effort uncomfortably mired in primitivism. It's disappointing given the plot opportunities to explore infidelity, depression, relationship, addictions, commitment and more. Insight or parody? No dilemma here mate, it's all ham.


StreetDance 2 - Movie Poster

StreetDance 2

1.0 Wendy Slevison

After suffering humiliation by the crew Invincible, a street dancer looks to gather the best dancers from around the world for a rematch.

If the numbers in the title of this film cause a little uncertainty, listen to that feeling, and save your money. Actually, to call this a "film" is being quite generous - it's really just a succession of dance sequences. The dancing is very good, but that's it. The plodding, formulaic plot is like an afterthought, and the dancers are appalling actors anyway. Cheap, clumsy 3D effects do nothing to enhance what is essentially a rehash of all the other dance movies of recent times. Sit this one out.


The Death of Mr. Lazarescu - Movie Poster

The Death of Mr. Lazarescu

1.0 Andrew O'Dea

Follows the title character as he is passed on from hospital to hospital waiting for dire attention.

As the health of Mr. Lazarescu deteriorates then fails, so does this film. If the intention was to force the audience to associate with (and endure) Mr. Lazarescu's suffering, then it is a resonating success. The shaky handheld camerawork becomes nauseating, and the drawn out length nearly bores us to death. You can't help finding yourself willing his demise to come sooner, not to end his agony, but your own. Such is the lack of empathy created by unstirring, stagnant scenes. Avoid like the plague.


Romulus, My Father - Movie Poster

Romulus, My Father

1.0 Luke Bartter

It tells the story of Romulus, his beautiful wife, Christina, and their struggle in the face of great adversity to bring up their son, Raimond.

This film is turgid and slow, full of uninteresting, 'poignant' scenes that seem to exist only to make the most of the lengthy running time. The characters suffer through their lives, and the audience suffers too, not in empathy, but in boredom. It's understandable that the target audience might be those who adore Australian independent films about the human condition, but in any case most will find it dull and uninspiring. Best avoided.


Abduction - Movie Poster

Abduction

1.0 Courtney Slevison

A young man sets out to uncover the truth after finding his baby photo on a missing persons website.

This movie feels like nothing more than an extended show reel for the young male lead, dreamed up by studio execs to make an easy buck. The space around the teen heartthrob is filled with an established and highly-regarded supporting cast, who have nothing to work with in a film that has been clumsily put together without even attempting to be clever, entertaining or exciting; all things a good spy flick should be. Underwhelming and completely devoid of any originality or inspiration, "Abduction" is a waste of time.


Paper Soldier - Movie Poster

Paper Soldier

1.0 Anne Murphy

A Soviet medical officer is conflicted about his position overseeing the health of future cosmonauts.

Perhaps it was the Russian storytelling style, or the poor subtitles, but this film was mostly unintelligible; as inaccessible as the vast barren plains on which it was set. The problem may have been situational - something to do with the futility of training cosmonauts in a desolate sodden Kazakhstan campsite. Was that the point this surreal viewing experience, complete with camels, was making? If the space race was anything like this, it must have been incomprehensible and doomed for gloom.


Gone - Movie Poster

Gone

1.0 Wendy Slevison

When her sister disappears, Jill is convinced the serial killer who kidnapped her has returned.

When a movie reaches fever pitch very early on, where else can it go but down? That's the case, resoundingly, for this one-dimensional would-be thriller. It's like paint by numbers. Young blonde heroine, tick. Orphaned and living alone with her younger sister amidst thousands of acres of forest, tick. Strange loner who people have noticed but know nothing about, tick. Oh dear, ho hum. How do they even raise the money to make this clichéd and vapid sop? As soon as you leave the cinema, all thought of this film and everyone involved in it will be…GONE!


Nine - Movie Poster

Nine

1.0 Wendy Slevison

Famous film director Guido Contini struggles both professionally and personally, as he engages in dramatic relationships with his wife, mistress, muse, agent, and (dead) mother.

This film, for all its pedigree, including an astonishing array of talent and a highly successful director, is a flop. A tedious and uninspiring melange of boring songs, superfluous characters, and very little narrative, it's a rare miscalculation in the career of the leading man, and a blot on the resumes of everyone else involved. Who convinced these people they could sing? Let 'nine' be the number of minutes it takes you to decide on which other movie you'll go and see instead of this debacle.


The Happening - Movie Poster

The Happening

1.0 Luke Bartter

When large amounts of people start inexplicably committing suicide in America, panic ensues.

The real disappointment about this movie stems from it's obvious lack of quality throughout. Other than a few intense scenes, it's dull and long-winded, so your curiosity runs out regardless of the unusual phenomenon. When you stop caring about the 'why' or even what happens to the characters, watching feels like a task. Tedious and lifeless, the most mysterious thing is how "The Happening" managed to get made into a feature film.


Death Defying Acts - Movie Poster

Death Defying Acts

1.0 Luke Bartter

On a tour of Britain in 1926, Harry Houdini enters into a passionate affair with a psychic out to con the famous magician.

Despite "Death's" great cast and look, it is disappointingly unengaging and flat. The director might want you to think "what happens next?", but never answers the question "why should you care?". The detachment from the characters severs all tension and excitement, even making Houdini's stunts seem lacklustre. Not worth your time, unless you really want to make a donation to support local cinema. Not even Houdini himself could escape the mediocrity of this film.


A Little Bit of Heaven - Movie Poster

A Little Bit of Heaven

1.0 Thomas Jones

A guarded woman finds out she's dying of cancer, but when she meets her match, the threat of falling in love is scarier than death.

This film is the most superficial and farcical depiction of a woman battling cancer ever to grace our screens. It goes so far the wrong way (think puns about colon cancer) that anyone who has experienced or been affected by the disease is likely to be offended by the way the subject is treated. The acting is of a quality you'd expect from a high school drama class and the script is terrible; heaven is a white cloud. Hard to like, even a little bit.