Gone - Movie Poster

Gone

1.0 Wendy Slevison

When her sister disappears, Jill is convinced the serial killer who kidnapped her has returned.

When a movie reaches fever pitch very early on, where else can it go but down? That's the case, resoundingly, for this one-dimensional would-be thriller. It's like paint by numbers. Young blonde heroine, tick. Orphaned and living alone with her younger sister amidst thousands of acres of forest, tick. Strange loner who people have noticed but know nothing about, tick. Oh dear, ho hum. How do they even raise the money to make this clichéd and vapid sop? As soon as you leave the cinema, all thought of this film and everyone involved in it will be…GONE!


Abduction - Movie Poster

Abduction

1.0 Courtney Slevison

A young man sets out to uncover the truth after finding his baby photo on a missing persons website.

This movie feels like nothing more than an extended show reel for the young male lead, dreamed up by studio execs to make an easy buck. The space around the teen heartthrob is filled with an established and highly-regarded supporting cast, who have nothing to work with in a film that has been clumsily put together without even attempting to be clever, entertaining or exciting; all things a good spy flick should be. Underwhelming and completely devoid of any originality or inspiration, "Abduction" is a waste of time.


Something Borrowed - Movie Poster

Something Borrowed

1.0 Thomas Jones

Friendships are tested and secrets come to the surface when terminally single Rachel falls for Dex, her best friend Darcy's fiancé.

If any actor is quoted saying it was the 'great script', which attracted them to this film, they are lying. Sure the movie promotes itself as a romantic comedy, but it fails in both genres. Every time there are glimpses of comedy, the script turns it on its head and it all becomes really deep. You almost feel sorry for the actors who try their best to make lemonade out of lemons. "Something Borrowed" will borrow your time and never give it back.


A Little Bit of Heaven - Movie Poster

A Little Bit of Heaven

1.0 Thomas Jones

A guarded woman finds out she's dying of cancer, but when she meets her match, the threat of falling in love is scarier than death.

This film is the most superficial and farcical depiction of a woman battling cancer ever to grace our screens. It goes so far the wrong way (think puns about colon cancer) that anyone who has experienced or been affected by the disease is likely to be offended by the way the subject is treated. The acting is of a quality you'd expect from a high school drama class and the script is terrible; heaven is a white cloud. Hard to like, even a little bit.


Romulus, My Father - Movie Poster

Romulus, My Father

1.0 Luke Bartter

It tells the story of Romulus, his beautiful wife, Christina, and their struggle in the face of great adversity to bring up their son, Raimond.

This film is turgid and slow, full of uninteresting, 'poignant' scenes that seem to exist only to make the most of the lengthy running time. The characters suffer through their lives, and the audience suffers too, not in empathy, but in boredom. It's understandable that the target audience might be those who adore Australian independent films about the human condition, but in any case most will find it dull and uninspiring. Best avoided.


The Next Three Days - Movie Poster

The Next Three Days

0.5 Wendy Slevison

A married couple's life is turned upside down when the wife is accused of a murder.

"The Next Three Days" is an arrogant American remake of a first-rate French film. However, the elegance of the original is completely lost in translation. Absurd, implausible, boring and disconnected are words that come to mind to describe this pretentious mishmash. Actually, the leading man has about as much charisma as a lump of mash, and this is far from his best work. The leading lady is merely forgettable. As a couple… who cares? This supposed thriller feels as though it drags on for three days - please don't waste your time.


Did You Hear About the Morgans? - Movie Poster

Did You Hear About the Morgans?

0.5 Wendy Slevison

An estranged couple who witness a murder relocate to a small-town as part of a protection program.

If you did hear about the Morgans, avoid them like the plague. Their movie is dreadful. There is not one redeeming feature. Not the story, not the scenery, and definitely not the two leads. Right from the start, they both seem to know they have made a terrible mistake. It only goes downhill from there. Zero chemistry, performances bordering on caricature and a truly terrible script make this movie an absolute and unqualified disaster. Please spread the word... have nothing to do with the Morgans.


The Best of Me - Movie Poster

The Best of Me

0.5 Jan Di Pietro

A pair of former high school sweethearts reunite after many years when they return to visit their small hometown.

There have been fine romance-dramas of a similar ilk to this film, but this one falls far short of the mark. You will not learn anything, you will not feel anything; no, scratch that... you might actually love it if you keep a stack of cheap romance novels on your bedside table. The story is unbelievable in a bad way, and the key narrative events can be sniffed a mile off. Sure to polarise audiences, "The Best Of Me" is not the best of cinema.