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Jack and Jill
Wendy Slevison
Family guy Jack prepares for the annual event he dreads: the Thanksgiving visit of his twin sister.
This latest offering from a well-known comedian is assuredly the worst movie of his career, and quite possibly the worst movie ever. The thought that $79 million was spent making it is not only alarming, it's actually offensive. Celebrity cameos and an aging but highly talented co-star do nothing to save this mess - it has no humour and no heart. It appears that no skill at all was involved in its creation. This film is an abysmal failure and should be avoided at all costs. Jack and Jill tumble down, down, down...
Did You Hear About the Morgans?
Wendy Slevison
An estranged couple who witness a murder relocate to a small-town as part of a protection program.
If you did hear about the Morgans, avoid them like the plague. Their movie is dreadful. There is not one redeeming feature. Not the story, not the scenery, and definitely not the two leads. Right from the start, they both seem to know they have made a terrible mistake. It only goes downhill from there. Zero chemistry, performances bordering on caricature and a truly terrible script make this movie an absolute and unqualified disaster. Please spread the word... have nothing to do with the Morgans.
I Don't Know How She Does It
Courtney Slevison
A comedy centered on the life of Kate Reddy, a working mother trying desperately to juggle marriage, children, and a high-stress job.
This film aims to reflect on the trials of being a working mother in today's post-feminist society. What it does instead is present a hideously outdated view of the clichéd gender roles and insult the intelligence of anyone with two brain cells to rub together, especially working mothers themselves. This is a tedious, unfunny, and poorly made film. The dialogue is so cringe-worthy, and the overall tone so depressing, that it will leave you wondering not how they do it... but why.
Superhero Movie!
Anthony Macali
A send-up of superhero films, from Batman Begins to Fantastic Four.
Everybody involved in this project should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. Anytime I think about the fact there was a script for this movie, it makes me want to bang my head against the wall. "Superhero Movie!" is terribly bad and not even remotely funny. The only thing that can be considered funny is that people are still actually paying to watch these insipid films. Don't watch this movie as they will only make more.
Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
Wendy Slevison
The ongoing war between the canine and feline species is put on hold when they join forces to thwart a rogue cat spy with her own sinister plans for conquest.
This is a movie that just doesn't succeed... On the one hand it is aimed at children, full of cute cats and dogs who talk. On the other hand, many of the references, as well as the stylised appearance, are targeted at an adult audience. Uninspired and unfunny, the film just isn't clever enough to achieve its cross-generational target, and even the well-known cast of voice actors can't save it. Will the evil Kitty Galore be defeated? We can only hope so.
The Holiday
Anthony Macali
Two women, both with men issues, go on holiday for two weeks by swapping. This can only lead to love.
A romantic comedy with characters you are entirely unsympathetic for. It wouldn't even classify as a comedy, as the over-the-top antics on display are not lovable, only annoying. It wouldn't even classify as a romance, as the contrivances that bring the leads together leave little work for them to impress each other. This movie is simply stupid and it hurt watching it.
Furry Vengeance
Wendy Slevison
In the Oregon wilderness, a real estate developer's new housing subdivision faces a unique group of protesters, local woodland creatures who don't want their homes disturbed.
Make no mistake. Everything your instincts tell you about this movie - the title, the actors involved, the plot, even the poster in the cinema - are worth listening to. All that, and the animals 'thoughts' appear as pictures in speech bubbles... Oh yes, it's that bad, an insultingly bad environmental message presented through fervently over-enthusiastic slapstick comedy. Please exact your own form of vengeance and stay away from this mind-numbing apology for entertainment.
Couples Retreat
Wendy Slevison
Four couples settle into a tropical island resort for a vacation, and participate in the resort's therapy sessions.
This film is a confused jumble of lacklustre characters, puerile humour and vulgar sight gags. The people who should be participating in therapy sessions are the studio executives who gave it the green light. The setting is spectacular; everything else is awful, particularly the script and the acting, from a cast you'd expect more from. Please don't waste your hard-earned money to see this, or you may well need therapy too.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Tom Jones
Live-action adaptation of Jeff Kinney's illustrated novel about a wise-cracking sixth grade student.
When everything else is working against Greg Heffley, the hero of this film, you'd expect the audience would still be on his side. Unfortunately, they're not. The constant adversity against Heffley leads nowhere and he never learns from his mistakes, which makes the whole diary narrative a bit monotonous. What lets this film down even more; it isn't funny. The 'pause for applause' moments are met with tumble weeds in the wind. This is one diary which should be kept under lock and key.
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Wendy Slevison
A bachelor is haunted by the ghosts of his past girlfriends at his younger brother's wedding.
Romantic comedy is a tricky genre. At the very least, an engaging and believable story is required for success, together with a convincing cast. This movie fails spectacularly on both these points, and is made worse by an unimaginative, hackneyed, and at times distasteful script. With insipid performances from all of the actors involved, in particular the one-dimensional male lead, there is just no redeeming this appalling waste of time and money. It really is as ghastly as the title suggests.
How Do You Know
Wendy Slevison
After being cut from the USA softball team, Lisa evaluates her life while in the middle of a love triangle, as a corporate guy in crisis competes with her current baseball-playing beau.
"How Do You Know" is a perfect example of how a fine movie is far more than the sum of its parts. The pedigree of the cast and director would have one believe that this could only be a sure thing, but unfortunately for all involved, it falls far short of being anything more than a waste of time and (lots of) money. It's excessively drawn-out and lacks warmth, chemistry and sincerity. So now you know - this film is to be shunned.
Soula Ela Xana
Anne Murphy
A teacher on the Greek island of Spetses receives four offers of marriage on her 30th birthday.
This cheeky Greek pantomime style comedy is like fairy floss for the audience; pretty, sweet and insubstantial fare. The characters romp around in an overly theatrical style that is faintly amusing and only mildly entertaining. It's certainly no aphrodisiac, and from the misleading title to the predictable ending the on-screen antics fail to excite the viewer. As a cinematic experience you are left hoping there is something better than S.E.X.
- Genre » Comedy Romance
- Festival » Greek Film Festival 2009
The Dilemma
Anne Murphy
A man discovers that his best friend's wife is having an affair.
"The Dilemma" is a window into the phallocentric world of a couple of blokey blokes, and it might have been best to keep the blinds down. In a series of poorly edited improvisations, naif blockheads blunder around trying to bump into a joke. Serious themes are underdeveloped and presented with a whacky, zany tempo that leaves the effort uncomfortably mired in primitivism. It's disappointing given the plot opportunities to explore infidelity, depression, relationship, addictions, commitment and more. Insight or parody? No dilemma here mate, it's all ham.
Killers
Wendy Slevison
A vacationing couples' idyllic life is upset when they discover that everyone wants to kill them.
"Killers" fails spectacularly in every area. Apart from the beauty of Nice in the early scenes, there is very little to make this movie worth seeing. The two leads, with zero chemistry, awkwardly make their way through a shemozzle of a story that you will find yourself laughing at for all the wrong reasons. Uninspired direction does nothing to save this film from an appalling script and insincere performances. Mixing romantic comedy with violent action is a risky endeavor which simply doesn't work in this instance. Avoid, even if all you're doing is killing time.
A Little Bit of Heaven
Tom Jones
A guarded woman finds out she's dying of cancer, but when she meets her match, the threat of falling in love is scarier than death.
This film is the most superficial and farcical depiction of a woman battling cancer ever to grace our screens. It goes so far the wrong way (think puns about colon cancer) that anyone who has experienced or been affected by the disease is likely to be offended by the way the subject is treated. The acting is of a quality you'd expect from a high school drama class and the script is terrible; heaven is a white cloud. Hard to like, even a little bit.