The Tale of Despereaux
Wendy Slevison
The tale of three unlikely heroes - a misfit mouse, an unhappy rat, and a bumbling servant girl with cauliflower ears - whose fates are intertwined with that of a castle's young princess.
This movie, while looking like a beautiful old edition of a German Fairytale, has a bewildered storyline and crudely realised characters. While the nobility are given elegant equine faces, the servant girl and her father look like cabbage patch dolls - clichés that are disappointing given the potential of the animation genre. This film has no warmth or heart, and is a lacklustre contribution to the holiday movie releases for children.
Wrath of the Titans
Anthony Macali
Perseus braves the treacherous underworld to rescue his captured father, Zeus.
If the Greek gods saw this film, they would be pretty angry. "Wrath of the Titans" has a power of boredom to rival its ancestor. Clearly the film-makers just made up the rules for these ancient characters along the way. At each checkpoint we get an explanation of the plot, and without it you would find yourself in a place darker than the underworld. Admittedly the CGI is impressive, but ultimately of no consequence in a world of gods and humans we don't care about. Let us pray they don't forge another.
The Expendables
Stefan Bugryn
A team of mercenaries head to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator.
"The Expendables" is a testosterone fuelled man-movie that packs a record amount of masculinity into an extremely unoriginal script. The premise is simple, and has been done over a million times in one way or another. The characters are like big plastic action figures with no depth behind barrels of sweaty muscle, and their swift delivery of bullets and pain is matched only by their cheesy one liners and laughable acting. If mindless action and explosions is your thing, drop everything and see this movie. Otherwise, expend your time elsewhere.
The Last Airbender
Andrew O'Dea
The story follows the adventures of Aang, a young successor to a long line of Avatars, who must put his childhood ways aside and stop the Fire Nation from enslaving the Water, Earth and Air nations.
"The Last Airbender" is capable in that its 3D medium manages to enhance rather than to 'point' out its special effects are fairly impressive. Unfortunately, the positives stop there, as the relative success of its visuals simply don't correlate to a script which fails dismally in its translation to the big screen. The film's myriad of problems are only burdened further by stilted dialogue and a truly lacklustre finale that disparagingly promises this won't be the last we see of 'airbending' any time soon.
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Anthony Macali
The pirate lords of the world must unite to defend themselves against the East Indian Trading Company. This includes Captain Jack Sparrow, who must be retrieved from Davey Jones' Locker.
"Pirates" is long voyage of excruciating proportions that will leave you befuddled and confused. Don't worry if you don't understand any of it, as the monkey will do something funny after each key plot point is revealed to relieve you of the frustration of trying to comprehend the story. The director struggles to garner any credible performances from the crew, favouring computer action sequences over coherence. This movie sinks.
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
Anthony Macali
Based on the video game, which follows an adventurous prince who teams up with a rival princess to stop an angry ruler from unleashing a sandstorm that could destroy the world.
"Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time" is another disappointing game adaptation with an underwhelming story and clunky CGI. The action is good but the editing is brash, and its over-reliance on special effects is a curse, despite the brief moments it's actually of valuable consequence. Naturally there are nods to its origins, but they didn't need to bring back the two-dimensional characters. The hourglass just doesn't run out quick enough on this one.
Transporter 3
Anthony Macali
Frank Martin puts the driving gloves on to deliver Valentina, the kidnapped daughter of a Ukranian government official, from Marseilles to Odessa on the Black Sea.
Third time around, it's obviously hard to keep things fresh. "Transporter 3" pushes the boundaries in action and style, with absolutely preposterous results. If the story wasn't so grounded in reality, they could get away with such absurdity, but the expressionless one-dimensional characters and "fast-forward the action bits" film technique make it very frustrating to watch. This movie is a disappointing package that never delivers.
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
Anthony Macali
In the Far East, trouble-seeking father-and-son duo Rick and Alex O'Connell unearth the mummy of the first Emperor of Qin -- a shape-shifting entity who was cursed by a wizard centuries ago.
This movie is your typical Hollywood adventure flick; family friendly, light-hearted, simple plot with simple characters. But at what point in time did copious amounts of computer generated scenes substitute for real action? It makes the film lifeless, uninspiring and unbelievable. "Tomb of the Dragon Emperor" delivers all you would expect in its mediocrity. We can only hope this story is finally dead, destined for burial, and never to be unearthed again.
Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Andrew O'Dea
When Sid's attempt to adopt three dinosaur eggs gets him abducted by their real mother to an underground lost world, his friends attempt to rescue him.
"Ice Age 3" fails dismally in its attempt at what is now the benchmark for a successful animation - the discerning ability to entertain both kids and adults alike. Stunning visuals alone are not enough, more importantly, there must be a plot to match. The creativity of the earliest films have all but melted away, as the paint-by-numbers storyline combines with jokes so dated they're almost pre-historic. Let's hope this franchise is now extinct too.
Night at the Museum 2
Andrew O'Dea
Security guard Larry Daley infiltrates the Smithsonian Institute in order to rescue his old friends.
"Night at the Museum 2" is an unfunny, unimaginative story devoid of any of the creativity and charm of its predecessor. Outstanding visuals are buried beneath a sprawling mess of a screenplay, as a mish-mash of gimmicky characters spend the entire movie running, babbling and slapping their way through what is a blatant recipe for dollars. Most annoying is a host of underdeveloped historical figures making wise-cracks that adults simply won't find funny, and children won't even be able to relate to. This exhibit deserves to be shut-down permanently.
Conan the Barbarian
Andrew O'Dea
The tale of Conan the Cimmerian and his adventures across the continent of Hyboria on a quest to avenge the murder of his father and the slaughter of his village.
"Conan the Barbarian" is a spectacle without substance. Produced on a large scale, the set design and fight sequences are initially impressive, replete with gruesome, blood-spattering violence. Most disappointing though, is that ultimately the film becomes repetitive and tiresome. Amplified by the lack of any characterisation at all, the audience soon discovers there's no backbone to the bone-crushing... and the most barbaric thing is the fact you have to pay the cost of admission.
Tropic Thunder
Anthony Macali
Through a series of freak occurrences, a group of actors shooting a big-budget war movie are forced to become the soldiers they are portraying.
This film could have easily been titled "War Movie", inline with the many other spoof films. The premise is understandably contrived, and a challenge to be convincing. If you're seeking wit, you won't find it in this jungle. Jokes consist of recreating classic war scenes and actor parodies, ironically commenting on their retarded role choices. "Tropic Thunder" has a big cast and big budget, but relies too heavily on props and stereotypes to elicit laughs.
Journey to the Center of the Earth
Anthony Macali
On a quest to find out what happened to his missing brother, a scientist, his nephew and their mountain guide discover a fantastic and dangerous lost world in the center of the earth.
"Journey" is designed as a crowd pleaser, but what little enjoyment there is comes from the luminous world beneath ours, a labyrinth of impressive 3D visuals and molten lava, providing warmth far greater than the characters. Blatantly akin to a kid's theme-park ride, it intersperses mild suspense, best capsulated when our heroes out-pace a large dinosaur. This film suspends all scientific belief, taking you on a ride that is far from adventurous.
The Book of Eli
Andrew O'Dea
A post-apocalyptic tale, in which a lone man fights his way across America in order to protect a sacred book that holds the secrets to saving humankind.
"The Book of Eli" is a very well made movie, but only from a visual standpoint. Unfortunately, stylish sepia tones and occasional moments of choreographed brilliance are outweighed by a gaping storyline. Even though it manages to raise some intriguing spiritual conundrums, the nonsensical plot fails to lend these questions of morality any real substance. This shortfall is only made worse by an abursd plot twist that fails to be anywhere near as as reverent as it aspires to be. Amen.
Year One
Anthony Macali
When a couple of lazy hunter-gatherers are banished from their village, they set off on an epic journey through the ancient world.
"Year One" is a film comprised of cheap sets and cheap laughs. In the beginning, the jokes are primitive, and take time to grow in charm and wit. Many of the characters stand strong alone, but never band together well, meandering from scene to scene with biblical characters that handily feed the plot. Although some of the performances are uninspired, others never grow old. A clumsy production with just enough spectacle to satisfy the movie gods.